Right now I'm trying to decide how much more I can take before I learn how to say no. Why is saying no to someone so hard for me? Am I that eager to please all the time? My job is a mess, and I can quit any time but for the most part I like the income it provides and the terms. I mean. I get to work from home what can I possibly find wrong with that.. Welll…. let me tell you… working for a small local business is not all it's cracked up to be.. I've been working here since Sept 2005. Really enjoy my co workers and when the owner / boss is not at work shes super cool to hang out with. but is a raving monster when shes in the store.. shes a huge control freak and can't keep track of anything because shes trying to keep track of EVERYTHING… ;( Its very frustrating for me. I do all the geek stuff for the most part and only work about 20 hours a week. I'm not perfect, certainly not a model employee but I am loyal to a fault and help out whenever asked and do the very best I can at what I'm asked to do.
Which brings me to my first point.. .I work monday - thursday and have had this schedule since I moved my office home and even before then when I was still in the store so since probably 2009.
The last 3 weeks some crisis ( to them) has developed at 6pm thursday night or first thing friday morning.. a crisis created by them that does not involve me but for some freaking reason I am called up on to look into it. I'm tired of it..I mean.. i never say no, i bend over backwards to do what is asked of me - which essentially is online sales and marketing.. but when folks arent shopping and shes over extended its my fault.. why am i the one getting an ulcer over this? I feel like I'm drowning in my own misery. Shes probably one of the most unappreciative people i know, demanding as hell, verbally abusive at times and has unrealistic expectations…
i feel like i am the definition of insane.. .doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.. sigh… I've been a miserable bitch all week, trying to clone myself and be 500 places at the same time and it's just not working..
ive already had prilosec, milk, Gaviscon, Tums, and pepcid ac complete.. -- TODAY. .
I am not a magician, I can not make money magically appear for her. .if i would i could, but it still wouldnt be enough.. because she would just go and spend more money and still be over extended… this is NO WAY to run a business…. even though I dont know much… im almost sure a business should not go from hand to mouth month to month…
sigh…
additionally my husbands mom had a TIA last friday, that although she is recovering from very quickly it is still added stress.. as one of us has to travel to the hospital to see her every day and feed her cat. I love her, she wont be here for ever shes 87 -- someone else i can never seem to say no too.. she asks so little I try to make time for whatever she asks of me. such a simple thing.. but so time consuming…
we also have a 27 acre farm and 8 horses to take care of. mostly just feeding in the morning and evening..i gave up trying to ride last weekend when it was just a disaster.. 3 are retired broodmares 3 are youngsters to young to ride, one isn't mine and one is my curent show horse and pet. Up until very recently I made sure to do 'one thing for me every week' which was my riding lesson. but after the last horse show 2 weeks ago Oliver came down with a little snotty nose virus and passed it around the barn.. I am hesitant to take him off the farm since several others came down with it and I dont want to pass it around the neighborhood.. so .. my 'one thing' has turned to nothing
my home is reasonable clean, the yard is maintained, my barn is a disaster - stalls are dirty all need bedding and to be cleaned cobwebs everywhere mold on some of my tack hay on everything.. a list 9 miles long of things i need to 'get to' and I'm just so overwhelmed, I'm trying to put stuff down that can wait but i feel like its not enough… my typical day lately is such:
up at 730 ( when dave leavees so im not in his way) get breakfast and drugs on board
get dressed
feed cats dry food
feed horses / check water etc
1030 back in the house at work until 330 or so…
then up to mary black to feed the cat and check on mom
visit with mom for about an hour.
return home at 8pm
feed horses dinner
get dinner on the table
clean up dinner
shower? if needed
then its about 930 and i just want to go to bed…. gahhh…
choking on my own stress..
I really think I need to tell the boss that I need to put my job on hold for a few weeks until his mom is better.. financially its an option but i hate asking david for money.. not that he cares.. just the principle of being financially relying on him for $. ;( sigh.. somethings got to give… im becoming a miserable bitch..and i hate it.. ;(
computers dying so i will add to this later. ;)
